


Disguised Love

by bcdwolf



Category: Baekyeol - Fandom, Chanbaek - Fandom, EXO
Genre: BaekYeol - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-05 23:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15874029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bcdwolf/pseuds/bcdwolf
Summary: - in which idol Byun Baekhyun finds love in the strong arms of rapper Loey.





	1. Between Euphoria & Exhaustion

**Author's Note:**

> R E M I N D E R  
> English isn't my first language 
> 
> D I S C L A I M E R  
> The celebrities names mentioned in this story are only borrowed and do not represent who they are in real life.

A ghost-quiet silence is penetrating his with thoughts swamped mind, his over-blushed cheek pressed against the car's freezing glass as a drawn out yawn escapes the tip of his lips.

— Sleep.That's all Baekhyun longs for at this very moment. A ton of required sleep he missed thanks to all his crimped and busy schedule. When he dreamed of becoming an idol, he didn't imagine his life to be this chaotic. All his blooming mind wanted was to do the thing he loves the most for a living; singing. He's has already been passionate about singing with the age of 10 years, and since then he has watched those famous idols perform on stage – his raven orbs shinning just as brightly as the stars on the night sky as he watched them sing in total euphoria.

Euphoria.

That's what he imagined he would feel when becoming an idol, but sadly, he had never considered the dark side of it. All the hours of training, all the starving in order to stay 'in shape', all the eyes watching his every move and in particular, the worse part not seeing his family for years.

Not to forget, losing himself along the fame and all the responsibilities. His soul's dark walls are cracked by an invisible force, which seems to be trying to violate everyone's expectations of him into these cracks deep inside of him.

He may haven't realized yet, but every time he acts like the society wants him to, his own personality fades more and more — and it seems like one day he's going to be nothing more than an empty shell, a puppet controlled by people he doesn't even know — one day he's going to lose himself on the path he's currently walking on.

But this path is already set to stone, his feet already one with its rigid asphalt – he's already used to all the training and the unwanted attention he receives day for day. There's no running away, no possible escape. He chose the music, and the music just happen to come with this heavy burden.

Sometimes we just have to make sacrifices in order to fulfill our biggest dreams. That's how life works after all.

He presses his cheek closer against the freezing glass, his heavy eyelids fluttering open in exhaustion. He is really in the need of a good, long nap, but unfortunately he can't fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

His eyes glide towards his right side, straight right into Jongdae and Minseok's faces, whose eyes are already closed tightly, their heads leaned against their seatheads as their hard breaths swim in Baekhyun's ears.

Only unfortunate for him, because his group members already seem to be deep entangled in the comfortable walls of their dreamland.

Somewhere he wishes to be now. 

☆ ☆ ☆

No matter how tired Baekhyun feels nor how exhausted he seems to be, performing on stage, in front of dozen of their anticipated fans always manages to fill him with the same euphoria he used to feel whenever watching those celebrities on Tv.

Performing was and still is one of the many things, giving him hope whenever he is on the edge of giving up — the only reason why he hasn't quit on being an idol yet. It may sound arrogant but it feels like he was made to be an idol, to dance and sing in front of all those people watching him with burnished eyes and wide smiles on their peaceful faces.

He just loves seeing people enjoy their music and those wide smiles he receives when performing — he simply loves being the reason for the rush of euphoria the fans feel for this, maybe short, but meaningful moment.

"Another amazing performance guys," Jongdae mutters, ripping the red-haired male from his thoughts into blurred walls of reality. He smiles at his friend before drifting his eyes back to the screen where a new girl group seem to be performing their debut song at this very moment.

And somehow, seeing those talented, hardworking girls, perform their debut song manages to pull him back into one of the most difficult times of his life. He can still taste the saltiness of his tears on his tongue, the crimson of his eyeballs and all the tattooed bruises on his legs, an aftermath of the devastating training.

It was not only a hard time for him, but also his beloved group members. The training was so hard, that they sometimes had gotten no sleep for days.

However, even though the exhaustion was visible on their faces and bodies they had to look like they were feeling great on stage – they had to perform with a perfect smile and a ton of makeup covering the aftermath of the intense training.

"The One is a great song to perform, our fans seem to like it as well,"Minseok now voices, Baekhyun blinking a few times in order to force himself out of the trance.

"Ya, it's already in the top 10 charts. We can be proud."

"We should be Min," Jongdae mumbles before both take a quick glance at Baekhyun, who seems to be concentrated on the performance, spacing out like usual. "You too, Baek."

Blinking another time, he forces his eyes from the screen, staring into his friends' concerned faces. Me too? He thinks, not really knowing what the conversation is about.

"I know it has been not that easy for you lately, but you're okay,right?" Minseok asks, pushing one of his purple strands out of his face. A smile curves up on Baekhyun's lips, a rush of heat running through his body before warming up his heart.

He despises knowing how much his best friends and group members seem to worry for his well-being whilst all he does is to space out, running from a conversation every time it seems to be approaching him.

He's a horrible friend.

"I'm fine guys. Please don't worry about me," he breathes through the light smile on his lips.

"You're currently the most famous member of our group. I can imagine how much of a burden it is for you, Baek. Please don't overwork yourself and take a nap, we're here for you."

"That's not it-"

"You're doing a great job, Baek. We're proud of you," Now it's Minseok's voice ripping his words in two, warming up his heart even more. You're doing a great job. We're proud of you. Feeling how a tear escapes his drained eyes, he begins to panic, trying to wipe the tear from his face when he suddenly finds himself in the arms of his best friends.

Those are only words, but somehow his soul seemed to have been waiting for those certain words the entire time. A heavy stone removed from his heart, his stiff posture begins to fade. Peace overcoming his system as his friends arms seem to let him forget how frazzled he actually is —their very presence calming the nerves down in his dead tired body.

"It's fine to be exhausted, just talk to us and let us know. You're not alone," Minseok says, gliding his hand over the crimson of the other's hair. His heart feels lightweight all of a sudden, overwhelmed with heat.

This feels wonderful.

His friends are right, maybe, he should have done this earlier — maybe he should have talked about this way earlier instead of ignoring this important conversation whenever he had the opportunity to.

His friends are always there for him after all. Exo-CBX isn't only a group for him — it's family. His wonderful second family.

"Drive to the dorm now, okay? You should really relax a little bit. We're going to handle things with the agency." The arms loosen around him, his body turning back into reality in just the blink of an eye.Oh right, he forgot, they're still standing in the waiting room. He coughs, looking around the room as he wipes away the remaining tears. Luckily, no one is actually looking at him.

"No, we're all in the group. I can't let you guys do this on your o-"

"I'm the leader Baekhyun. If the leader tells you to go home and relax you'll listen to him, understood?" Minseok argues, his finger pointed upwards in a scolding manner. "You've been juggling our comeback and Moon Lovers at the same time. You really need to relax at least a single day."

And again, he's right. Baekhyun hasn't had a good long sleep for days, always busy driving from one location to another, booking in a variation of hotels in which he gets only four hours of sleep before having to wake up again. Not to forget all the comeback promotions and the exhausting training.

It has been a lot lately.

Maybe way too much for Baekhyun's fragile body. "Go home Baek. We'll be handling things here," Jongdae says, emphasizing the words 'gohome'.

The red-haired draws back his lips, showing his teeth in amusement."Okay, moms. I'm going, and uhm," he closes his lips, clicking his tongue. "Thank you guys. You're the best,"he mumbles quietly, his words coming out a whisper.

"Of course, we are."

☆ ☆ ☆

As soon as he opens his eyes, waking up from the very long, deep sleep he has desired for weeks, the sheer voice of the entrance door creaking open hits his eardrums. Buried underneath his covers, his ears pick up at the noise. Jongdae and Minseok are back? he wonders, the door clinking into its locks as his face peeks up from the covers to the still closed door of his own bedroom.

"Dae? Min?" he shouts, his voice still clouded by a blur of tiredness.

"Ya, it's us! Get up, we brought food."

He smiles, Jongdae's words lingering in his ears.  
Food. Tearing the blankets off his body, he stands up in order to leave his tiny yet cozy room. He may still be too tired to stand up but he would be lying if he said he isn't hungry — Actually, his stomach has been growling since he has woken up.

His stomach craving for some caloric food, he leaves his room, his feet moving to small space which is their living room. The walls are packed and crammed to the brim with books on shelves. Even though Baekhyun doesn't have a lot of time to read at the moment, he still has an immense love to reading.

However, he wish he could spend an entire day doing nothing but to read, but unfortunately that's not an option, not at the moment the least.

"We bought some chicken. You should eat before it gets cold." His eyes meet Minseok's face, his body settling down their beige couch with a shimmer in his pitch black orbs. Chicken. It's nothing special, but enough to lead Baekhyun into a state of excitement.

"You slept quite a while. I'm glad," Minseok mumbles as Baekhyun begins shoving a piece of chicken into his mouth. He decides to stay mute, only nodding.

"The agency talked way too long today. You're lucky you weren't there."At the mention of the agency Baekhyun looks up, his lips pressed into a thin line. "Did -- did they say anything about my absence?"

"No,we told them you don't feel very well. They were quite surprised at first but didn't really care in the end."

He can't help but snort at the obvious. Of course, they didn't care about his presence, the agency has always been deciding on everything without his consent after all. Baekhyun can't think of an occasion where they once asked if he would be fine with one of their decision—never.

"But your manager wanted to call you later and discuss a few things with you."

"Oh?"He darts his eyes to Minseok's face again.

"I heard something about a collaboration." A collaboration, he repeats in his head, titling it to his right with a frown pressed on his soft features. It's not the first time he's had a collaboration with someone, but his last one was two years ago –and that's actually quite a long time.

"I'm promised to play a round of League of Legends with Dae . Don't forget to be up in 4 hours, we have to prepare for Japan."

Baekhyun only nods, concentrating his attention on only the chicken in his dainty fingers while gulping a piece down. Of course. How could he possibly forget their Japan concert if they had been constantly training for this special event for weeks now.

He takes a look at the clock, deciding to call his manager before the latter would probably go to bed — it's 10 pm after all. The chicken in his hand meets the plate, his feet setting on their grey laminate in order to find his way towards the bathroom, cleaning off the remaining oil sticking on the tip of his fingers.

Somehow, he lately seems to have a problem with eating. He's constantly feeling the urge to eat whatever his eyes ingest, but when he actually has the chance to eat properly he stops after just a few bites – he gets full with just those few bites, which in fact are way too little. 

Even his figure reflects his kind of serious problem. He has gotten a lot skinnier, the baby fat on his cheeks fading more and more with every passing day. But, to be honest, he doesn't know what to do with this problem, maybe it's just an aftermath of all the stress recently– maybe it will decrease with time.

He heaves a heavy sigh before making his way towards the other side of the apartment, stopping right in front of his wooden door of his room. Setting a foot into the room, a heap of coldness immediately kisses the exposed parts of his skin — which are in particular his arms. He slowly stumbles down on his own squishy king-sized bed after fishing his phone from the night-table just next to piece of furniture.

Dainty fingers dancing on the touch screen of his mobile phone, he presses the device against his ear.

The beeping of his phone rings in his ears, overshadowed by the familiar voice following right behind. "Hey." A smile cracks up on his lips, his eyes focused on the naked, characterless ceiling.

"Hey, Junmyeon. I heard you wanted to talk?"

"Right. Good that you called. Yes, there's indeed something I'd like to discuss with you."

"I'm listening," Baekhyun says, his eyes dancing back on forth on the ceiling.

"There's someone who would like to do a collaboration with you. I —oh,right. His name is Loey, I guess you know who he is."

His orbs defocusing from the ceiling, suddenly floating somewhere on a random spot in the room. A stone seems to be stuck in his stomach, his posture stiffening in shock. Loey, he repeats in his head, not knowing why such a famous rapper like him, would possibly want to do a collaboration with Baekhyun — not that Baekhyun isn't famous, actually they share the same amount of fame, but Loey just seems to unreachable to other artists, like a loner in midst of attention seeking people (unfortunately, he's one of those attention seeking people).

He has never done a collaboration with another artist, so why does he want to do one with him particular?

"Baekhyun, are you there?"

"Yes, uhm — sorry. But did he say why he would like the collaboration, to be uhm, with me in particular? I mean there are great vocalists out there-"

"I don't know. He just said he'd be really interested in a collab with you. But I mean you can ask him yourself, I gave him your number an hour ago. He should text you soon."

"You did what?" He shouts with a shaky voice, a heap of disbelieve covering it. "Calm down, you exchanged your number with your other collaborations as well. He's a kind dude, no need to worry."

"But Junmyeon, you can't just give my number to people without my c-"As he is busy ranting, he suddenly hears the sound of a message notification pop up in his ears, cutting of his text. The words stuck in his throat, he wonders if it could be Loey sending him the message. "You still there?"

"Uh--yeah.I just got a text notification, Loey could have tex-"

"That's great! Then I'll hang up, so that you can discuss with him everything. Let's talk tomorrow, bye."

"Junmyeon, wait-" But before he has even the chance to end his sentence, the phone call ends, leaving Baekhyun behind in a state of shock. A thousand of questionmarks are swimming in his mind, almost drowning his brain.

Tearing the iPhone X from his ears, he slowly darts his orbs towards the screen. His widely opened eyes scan through the new text message before his phone kisses his soft bedsheets. He's still confused–confused on why the rapper chose him in particular. Why?

 

 

From:Unknown Number  
Byun Baekhyun, right? Your manager gave me your number. I hope you don't mind. Give me a call me when you're free please -Loey  
Delivered at 10:15 pm

 

 

 

Hey, guys! I’m kinda new to this site. I don’t really know if you guys will enjoy my fanfics but I thought maybe I could try? 

Please leave some feedback. It doesn't have to be something long. Thank you! ❤️


	2. Dreams And Sacrifices

4 years ago

Settling his posture into the ending pose he finishes off the choreography for Girls' Generation's Gee, observing how the delighted beam fades from his lips, replaced by a thin yet tight line. His eyes are still glued on his own expression in the mirrored wall as he senses how the energy that has just lived within his body is being soaked out of his flesh — corrupted by a form of exhaustion he is already used to by now.

But it doesn't matter. The exhaustion is just part of the process he has to go through in order to push open idol life's steel gate. He knows he still has a long way to go until he can finally feel its rough material against the surface of his hand, but until then, he has no other choice but to learn from the trainers as well as the successfully debuted trainees.

Shifting his eyes back to his reflection, The next song – Wonder Girl's Like This bursts from the speakers, filling the entire dance practice room with its refreshing beat.

His trainee coaches, as well as other idols have told him how essential it is to be energetic on stage. 'An idol always has to give 100% on stage, no matter how exhausted or drained you might feel'. And that's exactly why Baekhyun has been busy training his expression with upbeat girl group songs –Well, not exactly. Actually, the agency has told him to practice a lot of girl groups in order to get a lot of attention in various of variety show. Also, it would, suit his 'flower boy' image, as they worded it.

He didn't really understand why he has to have such an image in the first place, thinking if his fans liked him, they would like him for who he is, not a stupid image forced by the agency, but they insisted on it, saying he would have the chance to gain more popularity.

More popularity, huh?

Averting his gaze from the mirror, he brushes tears of sweat from his forehead, running a finger through his messy raven hair before fidgeting with the screen of his phone. His finger makes their way to the pause button, killing the music in only one slight touch.

All Baekhyun wants is to sing and perform. He has never thought about things which would just come with it, like fans and popularity. Gaining popularity and having tons of fans is important for an idol and also the group's survival, but why does it nowadays feel like it's getting way too important? It's starting to overshadow the talent and passion of a group , or an idol in general.

His phone clenches tighter in his dainty fingers, his eyes hovering above the touchscreen. Oh shit, he has totally forgotten the time.

Getting up in record time, he makes his way out of practice room, his feet kissing SM's laminated floor. He doesn't even realize, but a wide smile shifts on his lips, caused by the thought of seeing this only certain person, who is able to erase all the exhaustion and problems from his mind, clouding his stomach with tons of mad going butterflies. His boyfriend.

He still can't believe he's going to see him after all those weeks of waiting for him to finally have time. It's not like he can't understand why he hasn't had time, his boyfriend is going to debut in just a few weeks after all – becoming an idol and finally achieving for what he's been working for so damn hard for years now.

The smile on his face widens as he remembers the first time they've met. It was one week after he had been casted by SM and he of course didn't know a single soul in the whole building, always dancing by himself in one of the dance practice rooms or training his voice in an empty recording studio. He has been alone at that particular day as well when a boy entered the dance practice room whilst he was in the midst of practicing a choreo. Practicing his dancing skills while others people were busy doing their own stuff wasn't very unusual to him, but being watched by a stranger, on this day by this certain boy, was definitely, well, unusual.

Baekhyun, actually, didn't mind at first, trying not to build eye-contact with the boy who was sitting onto the floor, half of his face hidden by a black cap, but as the song neared its end, he couldn't help but sneak a peak at the boy, hoping he would turn away from his gaze. But to Baekhyun's misfortune the boy's lips curved up into a smile, his body suddenly heaving up in the air. His first, natural intention was to look through the dance practice room, seeing if he had maybe smiled to someone else, or watched someone else the entire time but no one was in the corner he was.

It was him. Only him.

The first response hammering his mind was to make his way out of the practice room as soon as possible, but the other male grabbed his wrist all of a sudden, a thunder of shock striking through his body. He would be lying if he said he wasn't creeped out, actually he was creeped out for his damn life, but still, since he didn't plan on making any enemies turned around, facing the boy who had taken of his cap by now, revealing his handsome (kind of friendly looking) features to the smaller.

He can't exactly recall how long he's been staring at the guy in front of him but a chuckle suddenly caught him out of guard, his eyes drilling holes into man's hand which was still around his wrist. The other probably noticed it and let go before finally speaking up. "Are you a new face? I haven't seen you around here yet."

Baekhyun's eyes shoot open, a little taken aback of the other's smooth voice. "Ya.. I started here a week ago."

"I see," the boy said, a wide smile plastered on his lips. "I've just watched you practice and you're very good, but you have to work on your balance. I don't want to sound like a showoff but dancing is kind of my thing, I could— well, help you with that." Baekhyun bit his lips, playing with the hem of his shirt. He didn't know if he should be embarrassed or grateful. I mean he offers me his help right? He thought, curling his fingers into a fist nervously.

"Oh..god, I'm sorry. I didn't want to embarrass you or something — I just, you really have a lot of potential and you're really talented—"

"No, it's fine. Thank you, I'd gladly take your offer. Can I maybe .. know your name?" He said carefully, looking into the other's wide smile and deep dimples before glancing into the darkness of his orbs.

"My name, yes of course. I'm Yixing, Zhang Yixing. What about you?" He holds up a hand for Baekhyun to take, surprising the other with his overwhelming friendliness. His lips curve up, a blush creeping on his cheeks. "Byun Baekhyun." 

 

Chapter II: Dreams And Sacrifices 

Baekhyun had never given much thought to the impossible – but lately he has been stuck on one certain thought. How would his life have turned out if he had decided not go to the casting this one day, what if he would had decided to be a coward and flee as soon as his laid his eyes on the monster of a building overshadowing his average sized figure.

Would he, maybe, had been happy by now? Or rather regret it?

Baekhyun doesn't know why this particular question has been bugging him for days now, but it was ghosting in his mind whenever he closes his eyes or tries to relax for once, nor does he know the answer but it seems to be his poltergeist – the fate question his decisions.

He is sure, he is made to be an idol, to sing, to dance and to make people happy with his music, but maybe the world he lives in is only an illusion created by the dreams in his mind.

Maybe his has been approaching everything in the wrong way in the first place. What if he has never been made to be an idol? What if it was nothing more than a simple desire his blooming self tried to follow?

 

Eyelids fluttering open, he shifts them through the, by the sun illuminated, airport. People are running in all directions in haste, probably trying to catch their flights on time, children playing around with peaceful faces and in particular cameras surrounding him and his members, filming their every move.

He lowers his head, pulling his facemask closer to his face as he continues following Minseok and Jongdae in total silence.

This is one of the moments when he questions the life he chose. Attention is of course something important for an idol, and of course Baekhyun loves being the center of attention, but he has always hated showing people how weak he actually is. Being captured in all of your phases, and emotional states is a scary thought to him, letting people see how valuable he actually is.

How he's breaking with each and passing day – It's a scary thought. But unfortunately also his reality.

So Baekhyun does what he always does, increasing the volume of his music as he tries to ignore the drowning voices, gluing his eyes onto the floor and imagining being someone who has faded – He imagines being his blooming self, not tainted by the idol life – a normal, regular human being who can hide his valuable side for once. Being someone he used to be.

Only until, of course, the voices get too much for me to ignore – Only until the crowd seems to be swallowing him with their sharp gazes.

You can't ignore reality forever after all, at one point it's going to catch you once again. It's going to hunt you until you have no other choice but accept what's really happening, what's been going on around you while you were trying to run away as fast as your feet could carry you.

At one point it's going to swallow you like you're the weak sheep and it's the dangerous lion.

 

Nothing but a weak – fragile sheep.

 

That's exactly how Baekhyun has been feeling since he entered the music industry. A weak fragile sheep, in the facade of a strong lion.But a facade is unfortunately only a facade, nothing permanent, nothing unbreakable.

And to his misfortune his facade is already cracking.

"Baekhyun?"His mind stops going insane, the voice ripping through the chaos."Junmyeon has been bothering me for an hour now. Have you already discussed things with this Loey guy yet?" Baekhyun glances at Minseok for a pregnant silence before averting his eyes to the ground again, still walking in a slow pace.

Right. Actually, he hasn't found the time to call the rapper yet and his dumb ass forgot to charge his phone, so also no calls until they're finally at the hotel. But it's way too early anyway, he can wait a day, Baekhyun thinks, shrugging to himself.

"No, I went to bed last night and my phone's dead. Sorry that he's bothering you again. "

"It's fine. I'll text him so he can shut up," he mutters, his fingers dancing on his touchscreen as a too familiar vanilla scent invades their noses, another presence approaching them from behind. "Have I heard right? You're really doing a collab with this rapper Loey?" Jongdae says loudly, way too loud.

Baekhyun's eyes shot open, his gaze lingering on the crowd of people who are surrounding them – but to his luck, no one seems to have overheard the words that had just left Jongdae's lips. "Don't be so loud Jongdae. People might hear.. It's not official yet," he whispers, gluing his eyes on the in dirt covered ground again.

But Jongdae's reaction is kind of understandable to be honest. First, when Junmyeon told him the news about the collab, he was surprised as well – Also he couldn't think about something else that night. Why would someone like him want to do a collaboration with Baekhyun when he could have chosen one of the most popular vocalists at the moment, such as Do Kyungsoo, also known as the king of collaboration.

"That's cool dude. You have to introduce me to the guy, he seems down to earth." Baekhyun smiles tenderly, a hint of nervousness hidden in the light smile. I have to introduce me to him first, he thinks, biting his lower lip.

Even though he is an idol, he is not really the best in communicating with people. Actually, he is super shy and awkward when having to work with strangers – A trait he, sadly, couldn't lose when becoming an idol.

"Me too. He has to teach me how to rap, we really need a rapper in this group, we all suck at it."

"But Minseok, we're not supposed to rap. We're all vocalists."

"That doesn't mean we don't have to learn it, Jongdae." Baekhyun cracks and amused smirk, shaking his head at his friends in amusement as he follows them to the check in.

+

Being stuck in an overfilled airplane is the epitome for hatred if you ask the red-haired idol — all the explosion of voices; people chatting loudly, babies crying and music bursting from all sides. It's somehow still so damn new to the experienced idols, the hurricane of perfumes and cologne, the long ass waiting, and so when they finally land, he can't help but smile as if he's just turned into his blooming self receiving his long awaited Christmas gifts.

After three whole years Baekhyun still can't get used to this constant flying.

But of course – the best part was still the hotel, the part when he's in the shower, its cold water running down his skin, drenching him with comfort and the silky soft bed, wrapping him in the melting arms of his dreams.

Probably one of the best things ever existed.

 

It was just, today, he had one more task to do before he could escape in the warmth of his dreams. One task, which strangely, showered him with nervousness. Drilling his eyes onto the display of his phone, he bites his lips.

It's just one damn call. What is wrong with him?

Maybe it's just that Baekhyun can't help but be intimated by this Loey guy. On award shows, he always seems so uninterested and introverted, as if he didn't really want all the attention, all the eyes looking at him in awe and all the awards showering him.

As if he's simply not interested in any of those things.

He seems different than all the other artists Baekhyun has ever met, and maybe this is exactly why, Baekhyun can't help but feel intimated of him.

His finger's dance on the screen of his iPhone, his lips pressed into a line. Just call him and get over it, he thinks as his fingers finally presses the call button.

His chest heaves up and down, his feet shifting under the blanket. Eyes fixated out of the window, the sun's light hits his dark orbs as the phone's beeping floods his eardrums.

Isn't he there? He asks to himself, his eyes crossing the clock on the wall. 9 am. Isn't he already awake?

But then the beeping stops, a deep – deep voice penetrating his ears. "Byun Baekhyun?" He holds his breath, eyes glued on the clock on the wall. Why- Why is he feeling even more intimated than before. Get a fucking grip of yourself Byun, he repeats in his head, finally pushing his body into his sitting position.

"U-Uh, ya. It's me. I hope I didn't wake you up."

"No," he chuckles "Actually, I was waiting for your call. First of all I'd like to apologize for this mess. I wanted to ask for you consent first but your manager-"

"No, it's alright. I actually like doing collaborations," he says quietly, realizing too late that he has cut off the other's sentence. Well done, Byun Baekhyun. 

 

"Then I'm glad. This is actually my first one and I'm a big fan of your collaboration with Soyou. I think your voice is really unique and smoothing – and to be quite honest, our voices could sound nice combined."

Oh? His fingers clench around the bedsheets, the soft silk kissing his smooth skin. He likes my voice? He keeps repeating in his head, kind of surprised of the other's words. "T-Thank you. That's such an honor. I really like your voice as well, and I would actually love to work with you." Our voices could sound nice combined.

Actually, if he thinks about it, he's kind of right. The fact that their voices seem to be complete contrasts is kind of exciting and original –Baekhyun's soft, sweet voice combined with Loey's deep, raspy voice.

"That's great," the rapper halts for a moment before the depth of his voice drowns his eardrums once again. "I have already prepared a song we could use for the collaboration. But maybe we could meet up to discuss everything in detail?" The grasps around the bedsheet softens, his dainty hands touching the surface of his shaking knees. Wait, he has already prepared something, he wonders.

It is not like he is not used to write his own songs but he didn't expect the rapper to have something on mind already – and in particular to have a whole song already prepared and ready for them to record. He is really enthusiastic about this collaboration, isn't he?

But..why?

"U-Uhm, yes, that's a good idea. The problem is just my schedule is a bit tight these days," he sighs, a hint of exhaustion plastered on his face when emphasizing the words tight and schedule.

"I can totally understand. I can wait, just text me when you have time and I'll try to make time. You live in Seoul, right?"

"Yes, but does it have to be in the morning or afternoon? Because I never have time during those times—"

 

"No, of course not. I'm usually going to bed around 3 in the morning. We could also meet up late in the night, I'm fine with everything," the rapper says, a small smile making its way onto Baekhyun's lips. Actually, he hasn't imagined the rapper to be this, well, kind. In other occasions he kind of gives this cold vibe.

But maybe, just as his strong facade, he's also wearing one – Maybe, the rapper, feels the same way as he does.

"Baekhyun? I don't want to bother you any longer. Just text me or give me a call when you're free, okay?"

"You're not bothering me but I kind of have been stuck in an airplane the whole morning. Maybe I should sleep a little bit before the concert," he mumbles, biting his lips. "Of course. It's important to stay healthy. Have a good rest then, bye."

"Bye," he whispers before the other line dies completely. He rips the phone from his ears, staring at the screen for a moment of silence. Junmyeon was right, he is a kind dude. Maybe he overthought it again. As usual.

Suddenly, a cough takes him out of guard, his phone kissing the covers covering him. His eyes shoot towards the direction of the noise, staring into Minseok's amused face. "I'm sorry I didn't want to scare you."

"N-No, I just haven't you see coming. Since when are you standing there?"

"Uhm, a few minutes. I haven't overheard your conversation or anything, if that's what you're worried about." Baekhyun blushes, shaking his head furiously. "Anyway," Minseok chuckles before continuing to speak. "I just came by to say that I'm going to stay in Jongdae's room today. We thought you may need time for yourself."

Baekhyun stares at his friend, thinking about his words. Time for myself?

"No, that's fine. Jongdae booked a single room, hasn't he? The bed isn't large enough."

Minseok laughs, rolling his eyes. "That idiot has booked a couple room by mistake. So don't worry, I have enough space."

Oh. "Still—"

"I'll be fine really. Oh and," he places a plastic bag, Baekhyun hasn't even noticed was in his hand, onto the table. "I brought you a sandwich. Nothing very special, but you insisted on eating in the airplane. You have to eat a least a little bit." Baekhyun stays mute, snuggling deeper into the soft blanket. I'm just not very hungry, he thinks, nothing to worry about.

"You're getting skinnier and skinnier. Have you really eaten the chicken I brought you yesterday?"

"Yes," he lies, not even bothering to spare the other a glance. He's ashamed. How can he possibly look into the eyes of his friend while lying into his face shamelessly. He doesn't deserve him.

"We're worried about you, Baekhyun. Please don't let the stress affect you."

A genuine smile appears, no words leave his lips. I know and I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass, his replies in his head, aware that Minseok can't hear him. Somehow, he just can't say these words aloud. "I'm going now. Rest for now."

He hears how his friend's shoes touch the floor before the door falls into its locks, leaving Baekhyun behind with the mess in his head. A sigh leaves his lips, his eyes drilling its way to the other side oft he king-sized bed he's laying on. This bed is way too big for me alone, he states, a hint of loneliness suddenly piercing his heart.

Loneliness.

Actually, he has to be used to it by now. 

 

It's nothing new after all. 

 

 

 

 

Droplets of rain touched the with misery tainted asphalt, an ice-cold shower painting his skin, the tears streaming down his with euphoria reflected eyes getting one with the rain. Fading — Fading and disappearing from existence as if they've never escapes his eyes.

His feet kissing the wet ground as he was running as if his life depended on it, only stopping when he finally spotted the person he was longing for. "Oh my god, Yixing," he said with a pure euphoria layering his soul, his eyes shining like the stars on the night sky. He wanted to wrap his arms around his boyfriend's waist but he was still wearing the dry outfit from his show and he didn't intend on messing it up. "You were amazing on stage. I'm so proud of you, I can't even put it into words—"

"Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun stopped on his sentence, looking up at the person of his dreams, who seemed to avoid his gaze, looking anywhere but Baekhyun. What's wrong? He thought, reaching his hand to entwine them with the large one of his boyfriend. "Yixing? What's wrong babe?"

The taller glanced at their entwined hands before drifting his eyes to Baekhyun. "There.. There is something I've been wanting to tell you."

 

Baekhyun immediately sensed the shift in atmosphere. The loving stare he was used to from Yixing seemed to be hidden behind cold gaze– the stare making him feel like he's the most precious thing on the planet – the stare making him fall in love even more.

It disappeared.

"I'm an idol now, Baekhyun, and as an idol I have to concentrate on my new life completely.. There's no room for — for relationships,"

"Wait, what do you mean—"

"Let's break up."

And in that moment Baekhyun's life crushed. It was like a knife stabbed his heart, ripping in a million pieces. But even though those words hurt like hell, he clenched the other's hand even tighter, not-thinking about letting go. "Yixing-- Please, don't-"

"Baekhyun. I'm an idol now, how I can possibly have a relationship.. and then out of all people.. with a boy." Baekhyun thought it wasn't possible for his heart to hurt even more but the other proved him wrong another time. When he met Yixing he felt like a bird finally learning how to fly, he felt like he could finally be free, swing his wings with the rhythm of the other's heartbeat.

He could finally love and stop being afraid of someone not loving him. He could finally love the person he wanted without being afraid to be judged.

Because with Yixing he didn't care about people's opinions. Yes, maybe he was gay, and yes maybe it wasn't what the society expected him to be in the country they were born in, but loving Yixing felt too good to give up.

 

He really thought they could go through all of this together. Hand in hand, them against the rest of the world.

 

And then, as if the other could read his mind, let go of his hand, the reality rushing back to kick into the guts. No happy ending after all. "There's no future for us Baekhyun. It's the best for the both of us.. We were the ones choosing this life."

Then why? Then why didn't you stop me from falling in love with you, he thought, the tears pouring down his cheeks before vanishing in the rain.

"But—"

"No. Please forgot me and don't ever talk to me again." With that the other left, leaving Baekhyun behind with the shattered pieces of his heart to collect all by himself.

"But I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! First of all I want to thank for all the support I received for the first chapter. Your comments really made my day! I hope you liked this chapter as well (: Please don't forget to leave lots of feedback xoxo <3


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